Its the 4th of Oct.met up with my poly frens...most of
whom are guys on break leave,awaiting posting.my fren
brought his gurlfren and it bring really painful but
sweet moments.his gurlfren is a really nice gurl for
the record.
Watched him hold hands with his gurl and remembered of a time
when i wished he had hold mine.
WaAtched him exchanged a playful smile and remembered those
occasions when he teased me mercilessly and then we
exchanged the playful smile.
Watched him talked so manja to his gurl and remembered of
how i wished he had talked to me that way.
It felt like a torture being carried out in front of
u but there was that bliss moments when u know ur
suffering will end soon.
It was a torture to watched and laughed but a part of me
felt glad,indeed happy for him...
he was a fren whose inner self i know a little more than
others and i know that this relationship meant so much to
him.As a fren,shouldnt i pat him on his back and shout with
joy for him?as a fren,shouldnt i rejoiced that he ended his
singlehood of 3+ yrs?
There were so much I should do.But i couldnt.i smiled when
its appropriate....i laughed when its required...but my
heart felt really empty...
I didnt realise how deep i feel for him,maybe i've never
seen him in that light before...as a special someone...
but when i 'lost' him,when im not the one he called just to
'report strength'...i realise how much i cared....i wont
say i like him coz i dun know wat to make up of the
feeling.....but i cared enuf and deep.....he was never mine
to claim in the first place.at one point of time,ur
dreams make u forget reality.Its okie to dream but always
keep urself in check.I forgot that rule.
So,it was a downward rollercoster for the week...
I felt i should care...but I can only care as I would
for a fren.
